Sunday, October 21, 2007

Ratted out

When I started writing here, in this very public, yet still somehow anonymous forum, I knew that it could be found. Honestly, I could have done far more to make this unfindable by my family, friends, whoever, but I didn't. I have also been conscious not to write things here that I would be embarrassed for my family to read. You know, just in case. I haven't lied, but I have pushed myself to see the positive side a little more often before I start typing. ;-)

Even so, I've been pretty open. I write things here that I don't talk about in conversation. Talking is hard for me. Writing is SO much easier. So. What the Hell am I talking about?

Well, my grandma called tonight. Actually, she called this morning while I was at church (wrong number!), but then she called back tonight. I missed it the first time - we couldn't get to the phone in time, and I didn't call back. Probably because I'm a really horrible granddaughter, but I am fighting a cold and was coming down off of my cold medicine grogginess and I didn't think it was probably a big deal. But then she called back.

First, she wanted to apologize for the wrong number this morning. But then, she wanted to check on me. Because my uncle John told her that I'm depressed. And cleaning closets or something. I of course assured Grandma that I'm fine and I'm getting help. It's just life. And, as Grandma said, it's hard to try doing and having it all.

Before I go any further, I want to say for the record, I love my uncle. He has always been my "cool" uncle - young, and fun, and just awesome. Oh, the stories I could tell about him!! Things are a little different now, because we're all older and crankier and stuff. The last time we were all together, my kids were...uh...a little loud. Like usual. We were outside, but they were pretty loud. And I tend to forget that their particular volume of loud is even louder for people (like John) who don't deal with it every. blessed. day. He does like kids. He just wants them to behave. Hey, me, too!

Anyway, so now my family knows about 1) the blog and 2) the depression. I say family because if John told Grandma, I would be willing to bet good money that my Grandma has also told my Aunt Jill, it's possible that my Uncle John has told my Uncle Sam...and basically, my mom is going to be calling and/or e-mailing me tomorrow. (Luckily, she already knows about all of this!) I am not concerned that John or even my Grandma knows about what I write here. What really is a little disturbing is that I got tattled on! By Cool Uncle John! Seriously!

Ah, well, that's life. It's good to be loved. Hi, Edwards Family! Welcome to the show!

Friday, October 19, 2007

God forgive me, I think I've become one of THOSE people

I go to church. Lutheran, in case you're interested. I believe in God and Jesus and salvation and all that other stuff. I feel pretty strongly about it all, but I know other people don't. And normally, that's okay with me. Even if I don't agree with someone else's beliefs or opinions, well, it's just not my place to judge or tell them they are wrong.


In the last two days, a couple things have struck me, and I have been surprised at how strong my reaction has been. First, was this quote in my daily quote calendar (I love quotes):

"Can't nothin' make your life work if you ain't the architect." --Terry McMillan

My immediate thought when I read that quote: Bullshit. I had to take a second to figure out why I reacted that way. Then I realized - it's because I don't think I'm the architect of my own life, nor should I try to be. I have always believed in "meant to be" things. After all, I met my husband because God sent a flood. Seriously. I'm not saying I don't have any choice or responsibility for my life, but I really believe that there is a Greater Plan, and that all of the circumstances, obstacles, and choices I am presented with are leading me along that path.

I feel strongly. But I very rarely talk about this, even with my "church friends." I have read articles about attempts to remove God from congressional proceedings and bills, and of course I know about the church-state battle. I have opinions about those things, too, and sometimes my husband and I discuss them. And I shake my head sometimes and wonder what this world is coming to and how/why people have come to the conclusions they have. But I think what I read earlier might have officially sent me over the edge. Radio Disney is now objecting to including the words "chosen by God." In a movie about

For those of you who are not familiar, those are the ten big rules given to Moses. By GOD. Basically, God is one of the main characters of the story. But Radio Disney doesn't think He should be part of the commercials they air. Seriously.

I'm officially angry. Outraged, even, at the stupidity of this. How far do we really need to go to avoid offending someone? Does it honestly offend someone who does not believe in my God to even hear His name? And if that's the case, does anyone really not see that there might be bigger problem there? And by the way, why is it okay to offend ME by neutralizing my God in order to avoid offending someone else? How does that make sense?

I want to share my anger with everyone. I would love to send it to some women bloggers who are way more popular than me, maybe someone who writes about political issues, current events, etc. to spread the word even more. The only problem with that is that most of the ones I've found are overwhelmingly liberal/Democrat-leaning/anti-Bush. And somehow, I'm not sure that they will share in my outrage. I may have to start my own. I could call it A Liberal Republican Christian Mommy Speaks Out. Watch out, next I'm getting one of those fish emblems and am going to put a bumper sticker on my van that says "I'm Christian. And I VOTE!"

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Taking it too far

So I may have a case of making my own bed and being forced to lie in it. Yes, the name of this blog is I, Spider. Yes, there is a very cute little spider crawling around at the top. And, yes, I have been known to display spider cling-stickers year-round. I take pride in my spiderness. And this

New friend

is indeed the little friend who keeps me company on my work laptop.


I do not like the kind of spiders that crawl across my living room floor at midnight when I am very innocently sitting on my couch trying to watch Jay Leno and Steve is already fast asleep. I do not enjoy begging my husband to get up and kill the monster only to be turned down with a grunt and a muffled "Just use a shoe!" from under the pillow while a giant arachnid is attacking Flash.

NOT new friend

Please note that the monster's legs were actually twice the length they appear. This photo was taken after I drowned it in Ant/Roach spray (the only thing I had that didn't require me to touch anything that was touching the spider) and it shriveled up it's creepy crawly legs and DIED already! Woo hoo! And yes, those are indeed puddles you see on the floor around it. I told you, it drowned. I didn't want to take any chances.

We had one spider of similar size and monstrosity in the kids' rooms (it ran from one to the other and they had to chase it) earlier in the night. We've also had another one make an appearance in the living room since then. Luckily, Steve was awake to deal with that one. I'm out of Ant/Roach spray.

I just want to make it clear - The only spiders I like are fake and cute! These ginormous cat-eating jumping wolf spider beasts do NOT qualify in either category. So. If I have somehow developed a following out in the spider community, I want to tell them all right now: Don't come to my house. You are not invited. Perhaps I have gotten carried away with the spider thing. My bad. But don't come here. I will kill you. If not by cat attack (because they get a little scared when the spiders jump back at them - no lie!), then by drowning, or I'll call in The Husband. You know, .38, .39, whatever it takes.

Friday, October 5, 2007

The Mom's Overture

This is one of the funniest things I have seen in a while. And so, so true. Also, I heard today how healthy laughter really is, so consider this your workout for the day!

Wednesday, October 3, 2007


Today was my first session with a counselor. I have to say, I kind of hated it. Yes, I am the one who called and made the appointment. I felt like it was time for me to go. But yesterday, I decided I was crazy for making the appointment. And thinking you are crazy is usually what leads people to go to see a counselor. So that was a bit of a dilemma. Can we all scream together now?

So I went. And it was fine. Just. Fine. Except I really hate telling other people about my weird issues. You know, other than you, Internet. With you, I can comfortably hide behind my laptop screen. Ha ha, you can’t see me now!

Anyway, have I mentioned the best/worst part? My counselor’s name (and by the way, what exactly do I call this person? therapist? counselor? Dr. Feelgood? What’s the proper term?) is Steve Tyler. Seriously. Thankfully, he does not look like this:

Which is a good thing, because I’m already freaked out enough. Thankfully, he also did not sing “Dream On” or “Sweet Emotion” when I started to tell him my issues. Basically, I think I confused The Demon of Screamin’ about why I was even there. Clearly, I was not making my craziness apparent enough. I’ve been working at faking normal for a while now, so I might be getting pretty good at it. Or maybe I was subconsciously trying to deny or hide my craziness. He kept asking if there was something else. What had happened to cause me to come in now? Have there been any problems? Do I love my husband? (Yes, by the way). By the time we were finished, he had come just short of calling me a hypochondriac. He said I’m neurotic. But you know, I’m sure he meant it in the nicest possible way. And he does want me to come back. Woo hoo! I’m crazy enough for a 2nd date! With Steve Tyler! My lips feel so inadequate.