When I started writing here, in this very public, yet still somehow anonymous forum, I knew that it could be found. Honestly, I could have done far more to make this unfindable by my family, friends, whoever, but I didn't. I have also been conscious not to write things here that I would be embarrassed for my family to read. You know, just in case. I haven't lied, but I have pushed myself to see the positive side a little more often before I start typing. ;-)
Even so, I've been pretty open. I write things here that I don't talk about in conversation. Talking is hard for me. Writing is SO much easier. So. What the Hell am I talking about?
Well, my grandma called tonight. Actually, she called this morning while I was at church (wrong number!), but then she called back tonight. I missed it the first time - we couldn't get to the phone in time, and I didn't call back. Probably because I'm a really horrible granddaughter, but I am fighting a cold and was coming down off of my cold medicine grogginess and I didn't think it was probably a big deal. But then she called back.
First, she wanted to apologize for the wrong number this morning. But then, she wanted to check on me. Because my uncle John told her that I'm depressed. And cleaning closets or something. I of course assured Grandma that I'm fine and I'm getting help. It's just life. And, as Grandma said, it's hard to try doing and having it all.
Before I go any further, I want to say for the record, I love my uncle. He has always been my "cool" uncle - young, and fun, and just awesome. Oh, the stories I could tell about him!! Things are a little different now, because we're all older and crankier and stuff. The last time we were all together, my kids were...uh...a little loud. Like usual. We were outside, but they were pretty loud. And I tend to forget that their particular volume of loud is even louder for people (like John) who don't deal with it every. blessed. day. He does like kids. He just wants them to behave. Hey, me, too!
Anyway, so now my family knows about 1) the blog and 2) the depression. I say family because if John told Grandma, I would be willing to bet good money that my Grandma has also told my Aunt Jill, it's possible that my Uncle John has told my Uncle Sam...and basically, my mom is going to be calling and/or e-mailing me tomorrow. (Luckily, she already knows about all of this!) I am not concerned that John or even my Grandma knows about what I write here. What really is a little disturbing is that I got tattled on! By Cool Uncle John! Seriously!
Ah, well, that's life. It's good to be loved. Hi, Edwards Family! Welcome to the show!